Jake Gordon

Hammock Haven

8 July 2003

Well, I’m currently in Oaxaca (pronounced wah-ha-kah) after a cramped bus journey from Zipolite, which I went to after Puerto Escondido. This place was fantastic! Sleeping in a hammock for three nights, for under UKP3 per day!!! I went there with Sophie, Laura, Ciara and Anna, all of which I’m still with in Oaxaca, and also met Patrick and Dave again on the bus there. The seven of us had the top floor open balcony (with roof) all to ourselves (well, except for a handful of mad dogs, of course).

Well remembered is a game of ‘I went shopping and I bought…’ which we all played in Zipolite. A rude version - kiddies and innocents alike should avert their eyes: I bought an Armadillo and a Badger which I rogered in a Caravan with a Dildo before Exfoliating myself with the badger’s skin, got bored, said ‘Fuck this I’m going to bed’. Got woken by a Goat which offered be a Hash Doughnut, but then an Iguana tried to eat me - but fortunately I had a Jar of old urine lying around which I chucked in its eyes, then got the K y jelly out and ravashed it with the dildo. I Lunged at the dead carcuss, then Made it into a curry. I had to repent, so Nailed myself to a cross, and Opened a whole in the ground with magical powers, and put all the crap in there. A Pixie came out of the ground and put a Revolver against my back, but when he pulled the trigger all that popped out was a limp Sausage. I Tore myself down from the cross and made a Taco out of the sausage, then grabbed the pixie by its Undercarriage and tossed it out to see, where it hit a rock in an awful bloody mess. I then went down the beach and got a Vampire cocktail and put on my Vampire suit and went and Whipped seven virgins, and made their skins into a Xylophone. To finish off, I went down the zoo and ravished all the animals there. Hmmm…. yes, well…. there we go then. Now you know your ABC, will you sing along with me?

I guess I should also mention playing King of Beers with vodka and rum, and spewing my guts up everywhere. Not fun the next day! And of course, the obligatory promising myself that I’m never going to drink alcohol again.

Big thunder storm the other night too. The lightning just didn’t stop, and it had been building for about a day.

Next: Guatemala and a Cunning Plan Previous: The BBC Licence fee

Other stuff...

by Jake Gordon, some rights reserved